Burgers and T-bones and chuck, O my!

This is what a steer looks like after the people who know its people get hungry and descend upon it, brandishing checkbooks.

Herself and I were share owners in this steer, along with a few other folks who were better acquainted with him, and after a quick out-and-back to Crusty County one-eighth of him resides in our freezer alongside a half-dozen quart bags of Pueblo chile. I foresee a synergy between the two in the very near future.*

Thinking about, acquiring, preparing and consuming food helps keep my mind off the ongoing clown show that is American presidential politics. Rick Sanctimonious is getting wiggier by the minute, practically a character in a Monty Python skit about the Spanish Inquisition. And don’t get me started on the RomneyBot 2012. Last machine I saw perform this erratically was a 1996 Ford F-150. It wound up in a ditch, and I wound up back in a Toyota.

* I actually started this post yesterday and didn’t get around to slapping it up until today. Thus the Larga Vista Ranch chile has already become acquainted with the Crusty County beef in the form of a very tasty pot of chili con carne.

This new bridge spans the creek just south of Bijou Street.

I gave the Innertubes the slip at midday yesterday and went out for a rolling 23-miler, missing exactly 23 tweets. This I call a fair trade, especially since I had a tailwind on the hilly bits while Twitter is always pretty much up in your grill.

The hard part lately is finding that sweet spot in the actual wind. Some days it seems to be generated by the handlebars. If you’re riding deep-section rims you’ll occasionally get a probing gust from port or starboard, generally when riding no-hands to adjust some article of clothing or fetch something from a pocket.

While out I noticed a new bridge on our major north-south bike path. It replaces an iffy concrete dip that was occasionally underwater during spring runoff and thus seems a major upgrade, unless you’re the sort of GOP dipshit who thinks that bicycles should be the littlest pig at Uncle Sammy’s trough.

I crossed it on the way home and felt as though I’d hit the lottery. Unc’ usually spends my money bombing brown people, giving a wink and a nod to white-collar criminals or holding hearings on women’s health issues to which only Penis-Americans and those who love them are invited.

But every now and then the crooked, simple-minded old fool throws the little people a bone — like a bridge that actually goes somewhere.

Lamb chili with white beans.

You’ll be pleased to know that despite it being February, which sucks, I have yet to eat grease, drink whiskey or buy things.

Instead, I decided to amuse myself with a couple new recipes.

The first, which made its triumphant debut Tuesday night, is a chili con carne in which the carne is ground lamb. And y’know what? Despite its origins in Noo Yawk City and a distinctly minimal approach to tomato products it was purty damn’ good. First time I ever used cilantro stems in anything. Live and learn.

The second, assembled last night, was also from The New York Times, courtesy of Martha Rose Shulman. It involved chicken and chiles, plus a big-ass can of tomatoes to make up for the dearth of same on Tuesday. Alas, it proved a bit sweet for my taste. Next time, fewer red peppers, more chile.

One thing I like about Martha’s recipes is that they normally involve ingredients the average well-stocked pantry already has on hand. I was a little light on chicken and bell peppers for this one, but that was easily remedied.

While I was out scoring bird and bells I swung by the Fine Arts Center and collected a few pounds of Pueblo chile from Doug Wiley of Larga Vista Ranch. I hadn’t known that he was still coming up on Wednesdays despite the farmers’ market being on hiatus for the winter, and there was quite a crowd of Bibleburg foodies on hand to greet him. So now you’ll know where to find me on a Wednesday afternoon.

Last but not least, while we’re speaking of food and the cooking thereof, longtime Friend of the DogS(h)ite Larry T. provides the following. I may test-fly this one over the weekend while Herself is off visiting kin in San Antone.

CycleItalia’s Quick Red Sauce

2 tablespoons olive oil

Half a small onion, chopped fine

1 clove garlic, crushed and minced

1 pinch red pepper flakes

A splash of red wine

1 cup tomato sauce (the better your basic ingredient here is, the better the sauce will be, but the cheapo canned stuff works fine).

Salt and additional pepper to taste

In saucepan over medium heat sauté the onion, garlic and red pepper until just soft, not brown.

Pour enough wine to just cover and let evaporate for a minute or two.

Add in the tomato sauce and stir well, then reduce heat until it’s just bubbling on the edges. Simmer for at least 20 minutes and up to an hour if you have time.

Variation: Pasta all’Arabbiata (Angry Pasta)

To make a spicy version of red sauce, just add more red pepper flakes to the sauce—about ¼ to ½ teaspoon, depending on your taste, and garnish with chopped parsley rather than basil.

Italians do not sprinkle grated cheese on arabbiata — drizzle on a bit of the best extra virgin olive oil you have instead.

A little cranky commentary on the back deck. I thought about putting it out front but property values are already low enough around here.

Fourteen degrees with a 12-mph wind out of the south and maybe a half inch of fluffy white powder on the deck — just three of the reasons that February sucks.

Weather like this makes me want to eat grease, drink whiskey and buy things, not necessarily in that order. I just looked back through a few old training logs and the February entries are full of low mileage and foul language. The month is bad for the legs and worse for the mind.

It doesn’t help that colleagues are taunting me from Tucson, where they have spent a few days test-riding bikes under sunny skies in 70-degree temps. There’s nothing a journalist likes better than seeing an open wound and the salt shaker within easy reach. Oh, the humanity.

Me, I did an hour of cyclo-cross in a bitter north wind on Thursday and about 90 minutes of unimpressive riding in a surprisingly snowy and wet Palmer Park yesterday. Who knew that last little poot of a snowstorm would linger as it did? Not me, and now I have a bike that needs a wash and brush-up.

Today I’m trying to nudge myself into the first trainer ride of 2012, but the pep talk is not going well. Cycling indoors is right up there with daytime TV, cybersex and listening to Republicans speak.

You probably already know this — but just in case it comes as news to you, LAB, the America Bikes coalition, the Rails-to-Trails Conservancy, Adventure Cycling and other organizations are fighting tooth and nail to keep bike-ped funding in the House and Senate transportation bills presently slithering through the legislative sausage-making process.

In the Senate, advocates are backing an amendment by Sens. Thad Cochran (R-Miss.) and Ben Cardin (D-Md.) to guarantee local governments a voice in transportation decisions and provide funding for bikeways, sidewalks and safe routes to school.

In the House, they are urging representatives to oppose the entire transportation bill — it’s that bad. Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.), interviewed for “Living On Earth,” called the measure “arguably the worst piece of transportation legislation I’ve seen that has been proposed. Not just in the 15 years I’ve been in Congress, but for many years before that.”

If you haven’t already contacted your senators and representatives, please do so. And thanks.

The Frothy One has garnered the endorsement of fundamentalist windbag Jimmy Dobson and other local wingnuts and is expected to do well here in today’s caucus because the Bibleburg wing of the GOP loves nothing better than some bad noise from a pudgy loser (yes, I’m looking at you, Dougie Bruce).

In fact, if the pope’s bestest little soldier cares to stick around until the 13th, he can catch Bruce’s sentencing for his conviction upon (among other things) filing a false return, evading state taxes, attempting to influence a public servant and failing to file returns between 2005 and 2010. Good times.

Meanwhile, the venue for today’s SweaterFest seems appropriate. It’s The Depot, a failed restaurant turned “events center” that’s conveniently located just a stone’s throw from the Marion House Soup Kitchen, which serves the refugees from our last Republican administration.

Very few sweater vests in that congregation, the members of which are still waiting for life to begin after conception.

"Time to moo-ve forward," says Bossie DeVaca.

A spokescow for the Ancient and Honorable Association of Spanish Beeves has applauded the final decision in the Alberto Contador case and suggests that her group may pursue a separate civil action.

The international Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) on Monday handed down a two-year suspension for the six-time grand-tour winner, stripping him of his 2010 Tour de France title and all results and prizes since the January 2011 suspension was deemed to have taken effect, including his 2011 Giro d’Italia crown.

Speaking for the AHASB, Bossie DeVaca hinted that her organization might bring a libel case against Contador, who had blamed his clenbuterol positive on a supposedly tainted Spanish steak.

“He said we were full of clenbuterol,” said Ms. DeVaca, contentedly chewing her cud. “But now we know without a doubt that he is the one who is full of it.”

There are no bicycles involved in the Stupor Bowel, which seems designed to paralyze the digestive tract with a one-two punch of grease and salt while clouding the mind with watery industrial lager and subliminal electronic commands to buy things you don’t need and can’t afford.

Fat Freddy's cat cynically observes his staff at play. Click the thumbnail to see the entire Gilbert Shelton cartoon.

Some home viewers are said to prefer watching the ads that ostensibly support the “game,” a ritualized re-enactment of World War I trench warfare in which the gas attacks afflict the spectators rather than the combatants.

Here at Chez Dog the TV will remain in its usual mode — we call it “off” — and if the temperature ever rises above freezing I will patrol the neighborhood via bicycle. With all eyes glued to the tube this would be a perfect day for the Chinese to invade. Nobody would even notice  until they woke up chained to a table full of iPhone parts, with a biscuit, a cup of tea and an assembly manual written in Mandarin.

Herself, meanwhile, will pull the traditional Sunday shift as a volunteer at the Humane Society of the Pikes Peak Region, where everyone will no doubt have one eye on Animal Planet during Puppy Bowl VIII. There will be pigs on the sidelines, none of them named Newt (I hope).

Afterward we will enjoy a light repast of chicken enchiladas smothered in red chile, posole and pintos with chipotle, supported by a couple of fine craft beers recommended by tech editor Matt Wiebe of Bicycle Retailer and Industry News: Happy Camper IPA and Imperial Java Stout, both from the Santa Fe Brewing Co.

At no point will a cat be used as a football. Not even during halftime.

Rep. Earl Blumenauer and friend.

Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-Ore.) sees a future for cycling, walking and transit in the House GOP’s relentless pursuit of the Ghosts of Transportation Past.

Speaking with Jonathan Maus of BikePortland.org, Blumenauer said advocates could use the GOP’s dismantling of bike-ped and transit programs as “a springboard” toward proving that bashing alternative forms of transportation “isn’t a freebie but there are costs and consequences. … That a community doesn’t work without transit, walking and biking.”

“For the first time in history we are part of a very impressive, broad coalition that is all pulling in the same direction,” he continued.

“We’ve got an administration that has been the most supportive in history and we’ve got facts on the ground. The work that has been done with the cycling community, to broaden the base, to deal with things like economic development and Safe Routes to School, it’s all there. …

“It’s a chance for us not just to beat back this bad legislation, but to educate elected officials.”

The Republican offensive against bike-ped and transit programs should trigger a national response, like the ones that have followed attacks on Planned Parenthood and public broadcasting, Blumenauer said.

Read more at www.BikePortland.org.

And the winner is ... whoops, wait, Travis Tygart has yet to finish.

After timing Jeff Novitsky with both a sundial and a moondial he was declared a DNF in the Dave Clark Five Memorial Individual Time Trial. Only one competitor remains on course.