Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been … well, actually, since I’m neither Catholic nor a fink, I’ve never confessed. Ever. You want to pin something on me, you better have three eyeball witnesses, videotape and my prints on whatever.
But I digress.
So I’m in this Bibleburg record-and-video store, which shall remain nameless — hey, I told you, I’m no stool pigeon, OK? — and I’m browsing the stacks, trying to find something to watch in the absence of Herself, who is living la vida loca with a girlfriend in Santa Fe whilst I ride herd on the menagerie and rassle various velo-gators for bicycle magazines.
Anyway, I’m scanning the science-fiction section and what do I come across? “The Ten Commandments.” As in the Cecil B. DeMille classic about Moses leading the Israelites out of bondage in Egypt. The Ten Fuckin’ Commandments. In the science-fiction section.
So, Father, what I want to know is this:
Am I going to Hell for laughing my ass off?
Tags: The Ten Commandments
April 29, 2012 at 5:34 pm |
If you are, then I am too! I hope you took a photo.
April 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm |
Wish I could have, but the flick was too far from the tab indicating content. Mr. DeMille would have had trouble shooting that one. Yahweh too. Well, maybe not. …
April 29, 2012 at 5:45 pm |
WWPD – I Yam, that I Yam.
April 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm |
And that is all that I Yam.
April 29, 2012 at 5:48 pm |
The last I checked, “Thou shall not laugh at irony” is not one of them, so I think you’re going to be all right (at least for THIS infraction).
April 29, 2012 at 6:36 pm |
I’m thinking it’s just one more hash mark on my fiery sleeve.
April 29, 2012 at 6:25 pm |
Maybe not hell, but as your doctor, I advise that you steer clear of any church you might run across – you know, just in case… Oh, and a word about lightning storms: lay low, stay indoors. Again, just to be on the safe side…
April 29, 2012 at 6:37 pm |
Dodging churches in Bibleburg is tougher than dodging Dodges. But I guess I should at least dispense with the traditional Bibleburgian headgear, the tinfoil beanie. Excellent conductor.
April 30, 2012 at 8:18 am
I’d leave the tin foil beanie in place. Given that lightning is jumping across a several mile long air gap, it’s not going to make much difference, especially if The Big Guy is hurling the bolts. Besides, the tin foil yarmulke can always be tucked under your Fort Wayne Tin Caps baseball hat for extra protection. (I’m not making that up – http://fortwayne.tincaps.milb.com/index.jsp?sid=t584)
April 29, 2012 at 6:49 pm |
Just drink some cheap wine!
April 29, 2012 at 6:51 pm |
I’m banking on Father being a good bit more understanding than your typical Evangelical Christian.
April 29, 2012 at 6:52 pm |
Yeah…and what Andy said!
April 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm |
Hey it’s Torah (old testament) who cares what those late comers think.
April 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm |
In Bibleburg? Heck (taking no chances of guilt by association here), I thought it would be in the Documentary section.
April 30, 2012 at 12:33 am |
I can remember being shipped off in a bus by the local branch of the child-molesters to watch that movie when it first came out! There were weekly saturday morning brainwashing sessions for most of my grammar school years. I always thought there was something odd about the altar boys – little did I know what it might have been. If Jeebus is up there in heaven looking down upon us, why has he not destroyed all these so-called Christians who use his name to cover so many greedy and nefarious deeds? I’ll use David R’s advice for OG too.
April 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm |
It was obviously a mistake to file it in the Science Fiction section. Clearly, it belongs in the Fantasy Section…
May 1, 2012 at 7:13 am |
Who am I, and why am I in this handbasket?
May 1, 2012 at 9:12 pm |
You’re in that handbasket because it looks like a shitload more fun that outside the handbasket.
May 2, 2012 at 11:18 am |
In one of life’s biggest ironies, a large percentage of the law suits in the ’90s and ’00s was over, not actual 10C monuments but movie propaganda.