SweaterFest 2012 comes to Bibleburg

The would-be Sweater Vest-in-Chief, Rick “Man On Dog” Santorum, is bringing his clown act back to Bibleburg this morning.

The Frothy One has garnered the endorsement of fundamentalist windbag Jimmy Dobson and other local wingnuts and is expected to do well here in today’s caucus because the Bibleburg wing of the GOP loves nothing better than some bad noise from a pudgy loser (yes, I’m looking at you, Dougie Bruce).

In fact, if the pope’s bestest little soldier cares to stick around until the 13th, he can catch Bruce’s sentencing for his conviction upon (among other things) filing a false return, evading state taxes, attempting to influence a public servant and failing to file returns between 2005 and 2010. Good times.

Meanwhile, the venue for today’s SweaterFest seems appropriate. It’s The Depot, a failed restaurant turned “events center” that’s conveniently located just a stone’s throw from the Marion House Soup Kitchen, which serves the refugees from our last Republican administration.

Very few sweater vests in that congregation, the members of which are still waiting for life to begin after conception.

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16 Responses to “SweaterFest 2012 comes to Bibleburg”

  1. Khal Spencer Says:

    Down in the Duke City, a local windbag pastor of a megachurch has taken on Governor Martinez (R) because, gasp, she hired a gay man to a state commission: “…if you campaign as a conservative, and you say you will govern as a conservative, I have an expectation when you say to me that you will do what you said, and hire and appoint people that are conservatives,” Pastor Smothermon told his congregation.

    So someone can be a fiscal conservative, but Pastor Windbag still reserves the right to crawl into the guy’s bedroom and see who he is sleeping with. I think its time to audit that church to find out how much of Pastor Windbag’s time is being spent in churchin’ and how much in politicking–and peeping tomming.

    http://www.abqjournal.com/main/2012/02/06/news/dozens-protest-at-church.html

  2. Libby Says:

    Oh c’mon I thought this was about yarn! Or a winter event like iceFest, Polar Bear Society, IceJam, White Nights, etc. And what with the industry biggie Interweave located in Fort Collins! Willard and Rick, darn it!

  3. David R Says:

    I swear to god OG sometimes – no, most of the time – you flat crack me up. You’d almost think that you make this shit up, but NO: it’s ALL true. I laugh because it’s just better all ’round than crying…

  4. Steve O Says:

    We’re all idiots. Because instead of chatting here, we could use the time to take to the airwaves, claiming we’re real conservatives and the liberals are out to get us and we need $50 from other real conservatives to keep up the fight against socialism.

  5. John Says:

    Hey POG! Bibleburg doesn’t have the complete monopoly on bat-shit crazy in Colorado. Looks like Santorum is going to take Mesa County, proving that when it comes to narrow minded, bigoted, theocrats, Grand Junction knows where the best crazy is at.

  6. Khal Spencer Says:

    Sanatorium took Colorado.

    • John Says:

      Okay, that settles it. What we always suspected is true: the Repugs in Colorado really are off their rocker. So it isn’t just Dysfunction Junction and Bibleburg.

    • Steve O Says:

      Crazy how we do elections here.

      Santorum took Colorado.

      With 26,000 votes. So 0.5% of the state voted for him, or 0.9% of all registered voters.

      That’s democracy?

  7. john Says:

    I’m encouraged! Santorum is, if anything, an even weaker general-election candidate than Gingrich.

    Obama has been terribly disappointing in many ways, but he is so very, very much the “lesser of two weevils” that there’s really no comparison. No more Bush/Gore/Nader split for me.

    • Steve O Says:

      We’re in the middle of a global economic realignment (labor and consumption, although not so much change in natural resource availability) and a global financial crisis. No, not the middle. More like the first quarter. And the GOP solution is: deregulation!! We’re dealing with third graders.

  8. Khal Spencer Says:

    I don’t know who could have been a “good” president during the economic meltdown. Its easy to be an armchair quarterback, but tough to drain the swamp when someone else is madly releasing alligators. I’m not a great fan of Obamacare, but neither am I a fan of the free market deal, which leaves far too many people shit outa luck.

    Besides, Obamacare must be a good idea. Its not too different from RomneyCare, right?

    Its gonna be a shitfest this fall.

  9. Larry T. Says:

    All this is REALLY making me want to return “home” to Iowa.

  10. barry Says:

    Alright Patrick….you’ve been silent on the Jan Ullrich thing, so I reckon I’ll comment here instead. Thanks for dragging me onto twitter. Haters can hate (or at least dislike semi-quietly from afar) because I used to do the same. You’ve opened my eyes to the wonders of Charles Pierce’s writing, among many other things.

    A most humble “thank you” for all the information and inspiration sir.

  11. High Plains Drifters Says:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/12/opinion/sunday/friedman-we-need-a-second-party.html?src=recg

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