Spanish cattle applaud Contador decision

Bossie DeVaca

"Time to moo-ve forward," says Bossie DeVaca.

A spokescow for the Ancient and Honorable Association of Spanish Beeves has applauded the final decision in the Alberto Contador case and suggests that her group may pursue a separate civil action.

The international Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) on Monday handed down a two-year suspension for the six-time grand-tour winner, stripping him of his 2010 Tour de France title and all results and prizes since the January 2011 suspension was deemed to have taken effect, including his 2011 Giro d’Italia crown.

Speaking for the AHASB, Bossie DeVaca hinted that her organization might bring a libel case against Contador, who had blamed his clenbuterol positive on a supposedly tainted Spanish steak.

“He said we were full of clenbuterol,” said Ms. DeVaca, contentedly chewing her cud. “But now we know without a doubt that he is the one who is full of it.”

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18 Responses to “Spanish cattle applaud Contador decision”

  1. Khal Spencer Says:

    Good grief. Of course, that means the yellow jersey will be worn by a guy who can’t shift his bike.

  2. Larry T. Says:

    No joy here – not only can the kid not shift his bike but big bro was caught shipping off euro 7K to that gynecologist fellow who “worked” with cyclists. Hard to believe the bros, then riding under the direction of Mr. 60% himself, didn’t share whatever benefits came from that collaboration. Meanwhile, the guy who will likely be named the top dog of the Giro 2011 was also a client of that same gynecologist and sat out longer than it seems “Il Pistolero” will be doing his Green Bullet imitation, building that anger up to rip the legs off the rest of the Vuelta 2012 contestants. The Vuelta organizers are probably the only ones happy here? Pro cycling looks more like the WWE every day, no wonder sponsors are tough to find.

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      One wonders how much of a role politics plays in these dramas. Spain has been dragging its feet on Operación Puerto since 2006. Maybe the anti-doping establishment is sending some kind of message here … the equivalent of a cod wrapped in a yellow jersey?

      • Larry T. Says:

        Wonder? In Spain, as it used to be awhile back in Italy, the entire thing is political. Notice “Hot-Air” McQuaid’s statement said nothing about punishing rule-breakers, just about how there are no winners in this mess and how we need to look forward rather than backward. Once WADA decided to take this mess to CAS I believe UCI just jumped on the bandwagon to avoid looking like they didn’t care. I don’t think they truly care much about DOPING, it’s really about avoiding doping SCANDAL, pretty much as it has been for….well…ever.

      • Khal Spencer Says:

        Its always about the damage control, Larry. But I think the damage is done. Break out the WWF costumes for this year’s grand tour circuit.

  3. Andre LePlume Says:

    This is too funny – the article, not the outcome of the case.

  4. BenS Says:

    Bueno. Muy bueno.

  5. Libby Says:

    Well they finally got their man. And we still don’t have “peace” on the subject because what a surprise the multi-million fine will be fixed in the future.
    Patrick, your title prompts me to quote the lyrics of Mayfield’s great song. I’m a big fan of you, Curtis and Contador. What a trio. Lots of moves. Moo-ves.

    Hush now child
    And don’t you cry
    Your folks might understand you
    By and by
    Moo-ve on up
    Towards your destination
    You may find
    From time to time
    Complications
    But your lip
    And take a trip
    Though there may be
    Wet road ahead
    You cannot slip
    Just move on up….

  6. bikesgonewild Says:

    …while obviously nothing has been solved as regards the sport in general, i wholeheartedly applaud the decision because i found contador’s indignation over his situation to be particularly galling…

    …”you can’t bust ME because i learned from the two very best guys in the business as to how to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes, so therefore i will point my finger (pistelero) in every direction but at my own incompetence…”…

    …well, bubba…as disingenuous as you were, you screwed up…

    …& maybe, just maybe, it was because you pissed off the wrong people…politics may have just bit you in the ass…

  7. bikesgonewild Says:

    …”…the lesson obviously suffered in translation…”…didn’t it though…

    …one tiny little slip up, prob’ly by a trusted confidant & suddenly the fucking elephant in the room got even bigger than before…the uci & everyone else was scrambling like a son of a bitch to figure out how to size it back down & it still took a year & a half…

    …& can you explain to me why, after the guy raced regularly over that time period, his suspension doesn’t end feb 6, 2014 ???…

    …bottom line…neither contador or armstrong will ever “man up” (“cowboy up” for those that like the imagery)…

    …i see them both a great cyclists but no matter what their reasoning & ya, with armstrong in particular it’s kinda obvious to extrapolate, but cycling omerta be damned, they both really fail as men…

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      And it ain’t over yet. Shane Stokes at VeloNation wonders whether — absent Albuterol Clenbutador’s points — Saxo Bank might get shitcanned right out of the WorldTour, bounced down to Pro Continental.

      Man, would that ever be one to the ’nads for Mr. 60 Percent, who didn’t cop to his own doping until the HMS Statutes of Limitations had sailed.

      • Steve O Says:

        Maybe at this year’s trophy presentations, they could let the top ten finishers all step atop the podium and get the obligatory kisses, flowers, stuffed Leo, and whatnot. Then, when the lab results come in down the road, they can edit the highlight reel accordingly.

      • bikesgonewild Says:

        …steve o might be on to something…

        …”daddy – how come it sez here that guy mark cavendish just won the 2012 ‘tour de france’ ???…that was like 3 years ago & i ‘member you telling me he was a sprinter guy who couldn’t climb those big mountains very well…”…

        …”well, susie – that’s kind of an interesting story but it’ll take daddy a while to tell you all about it”…

      • Larry T. Says:

        Mr. 60% really never paid much of a penalty for this admitted cheating back-in-the-day so maybe this is one of those karma things coming back to bite him in the a__? In my mind it would serve him right to be kicked out of the top-tier group and maybe lose the entire team, while seeing the guy he had before end up being declared the winner of Le Beeg Shew now that he’s moved to another team. He’s like that other team manager, brilliant tactician but not much when it comes to ethics, etc.

  8. Bruce Schwab Says:

    Moral of the story:
    Never, never, never, no matter how good you are, attack Lance Armstrong on a climb if said attack “was not in the plan” (Arcalis, 2009).

    Such audacity will come back to bite you in the end.

  9. bikesgonewild Says:

    …after “a little time” *** to think about the contador case, i’ve decided that after years of concern, disappointment, lies, duplicity, broken dreams & promises & basic abject fucking disgust, at least on my part, that there is only one way to run this shitshow called professional cycling which, despite what i just expressed, i still seem to love…

    …so, here’s what…just like public schools where they don’t keep score in kids sports & they hand out trophies for “participating” , i’m thinking that just might be the way to go here…it’s gonna be like a “grand fondo” but no clocks, no bike computers, none of that whatnot allowed…

    …at the end of a stage, everybody who finishes gets a t-shirt with the stage # on it…(yellow, pink, gold, magenta, whatever)…collect one for every stage & at the end you get an “event” t-shirt…no more “jerseys” – too expensive & hey, everybody’s special…

    …no more attacks ‘cuz everybody rides together…”hey, bro – wait for me at the top, m’kay”…”ya, sure, no probs, dude” …”naw, that wasn’t an attack, he was just feelin’ frisky so we told him to go”…

    …anyway, everybody’s out there in their sponsored gear, so the sponsors are happy, nobody’s pushin’ it too hard so nobody’s feelings are hurt & hey, if you wanna take drugs, that’s up to you…

    …there’s nothing to win but under my rules, if you take drugs, you might have your health to lose, so it’s up to you…

    …i’m gonna submit a proposal…

    …***…(btw, “a little time” translates to 565 days)..

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