Notes from the 1,094,245th GOP debate

First off, though clearly one of these yahoos may become president, anyone who thinks one of them should be president needs a hole punched in his or her skull so that the bats may escape.

Jabba the Newt should be deported to Tatooine to keep all his ex-wives’ grandmothers company.

Rick Sphinctorum needs an enema. Preferably from Dan Savage. He sounds like Milton Waddams squeaking about his stapler.

Ron Paul is hereby awarded a “No-Class Warfare” T-shirt with goldbug cluster for shamelessly courting white supremacists, militias and survivalists with racist, anti-Semitic, homophobic newsletters and not having the sack to man up about having done it.

And the RomneyBot 2012 needs to be locked into a portable toilet at the U.S.-Mexico border and forced to listen to a replay of each and every lie he’s told while running for president, in both English and Spanish.

Finally, Wolf Blitzer should be welded into a 55-gallon drum full of tarantulas, scorpions and the vengeful ghost of Edward R. Murrow, then rolled off the stern of a garbage scow into the Marianas Trench, for that blindingly stupid fucking question about whose wife would make the best first lady.

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9 Responses to “Notes from the 1,094,245th GOP debate”

  1. David R Says:

    Jeezus H. Christmas, he actually asked that?! I couldn’t stomach watching the “debate”, but I did see a small bit on CNN yesterday afternoon, before the debate, with the Blitzer talking about how carefully he was weighing all the questions he was going to ask that evening. He said he and his staff wanted to make sure he was asking only the hard-hitting questions, “what the American people wanted to ask…”

  2. bromasi Says:

    It’s all show biz and ratings.

  3. Larry T. Says:

    What happened to CNN? Didn’t it used to be Cable News Network? We watch it only in hotel rooms in Italy now and then but it seems to be no longer about news and all about “infotainment” or whatever they call it. How many of these so-called debates are they gonna have? Did they let the crowds hoot and holler for Newt at this one?

    • Patrick O'Grady Says:

      Larry, CNN started showing signs of what it was to become right after 9/11. The network became a total shill for the Daffy-Fudd administration and all who sailed in her. When we moved down the hill from Weirdcliffe to Bibleburg we left satellite TV — and CNN — behind.

      I watched last night’s tempest in a toilet via streaming Innertubes video. No more of that for me, thanks. I’ll stick to streaming cyclo-cross worlds — which should be available Saturday and Sunday via http://www.cyclingfans.com.

  4. Khal Spencer Says:

    So what do you have against the Marianas Trench? Aren’t there laws against pollution on open seas?

    This shit is enough to make a sane person go mad. I think the Demublicans, should they want to win this fall, simply need to make commercials replaying these third grade schoolyard arguments foisted on us as debates. As I keep asking, what happened to the adults in the Repugnicant party?

  5. High Plains Drifters Says:

    Blitzer has been riding his Desert Storm accidental tourist luck for 20 years now. Dude is an idiot, but he looked like he was 50 when he was 20 and in TV land, that means you’re distinguished and wise.

    John King’s pathetic apology to Gingrich got me thinking … there were a dozen obvious replies to Gingrich’s rant, and he whiffed across the board. Which made us all realize, there isn’t one news person on the telly who can ask a follow-up question, or deviate in the slightest way from the printed question sheet they walk in the door with. Not one. Except for Stewart and Colbert. How sad is that? The two best interviewers are comedians.

    Neal Conan from Talk of the Nation should get snatched up by a network, if there was one out there that gave a shit about quality journalism. If a caller slings some bullshit, he calls them on it, respectfully. If he has a list of ten questions, and the answer to the first one takes him in a totally different direction, he’ll pitch his notes and wing it. If he gets an answer that doesn’t answer the question, he’ll remind everyone what the question was.

    How is it that with a thousand radio stations and hundreds of cable news outlets, he’s the only one that can think on his feet?

  6. gbtco Says:

    MAN- you are in Excellent form tonight!

    God, I wish my family had stayed in Quebec, back in the day.

  7. High Plains Drifters Says:

    http://www.theatlanticwire.com/politics/2012/01/how-republicans-are-using-their-anti-democrat-moves-destroy-each-other/47977/

    What’s been the result? Well, just as they work against Democrats, these tactics work against Republicans, too. On Friday, a poll from NBC News/The Wall Street Journal showed that Romney has a net unfavorable rating — a rarity at this stage in the election. “All of the GOP candidates are a net-negative in favorability ratings, with Santorum getting the best marks — 26 percent positive, 27 percent negative,” NBC’s Domenico Montanaro reports. “Romney scores 31-36, and it’s worth noting that Bob Dole, John McCain, and George W. Bush were all net-positives at the same time in their fights for the nomination. The exception of a recent major party nominee being a net-negative at this point – John Kerry, who was 22-26 in January 2004.”

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