The shoes keep dropping, and all Big Tex will say is that some folks have some very dirty feet indeed.
Tyler Hamilton finally came clean yesterday, in the process adding about four hours to my shift in the VeloBarrel, and out came the Million-Pound Yellow Rubber Shithammer of Denial, right on cue. In its latest incarnation, dubbed Facts4Lance.com, the MPYRSOD makes Thor’s Mjolnir look like a tack hammer.
As expected, Tex’s spokescreature, Marco Fabuloso, used his tongue purtier than a $20 whore in defense of his client, whose acid Twitterwit seems to have been diluted somewhat by former underlings taking a piss. The best Tex could manage in 140 characters or less was the traditional boilerplate about a multiplicity of tests and the positivity thereof, which he keeps stored in a macro key on his HP Livestrong laptop, followed by a feeble attempt at redirection: “And in news from this century … there’s an amazing bike race taking place in California. Thanks for supporting these amazing athletes.”
Speaking of the amazing Amgen Tour of California, its amazing management must get awfully tired of these amazing revelations taking place on their amazing dime, especially going into the amazing Solvang time trial, not exactly the sort of amazing contest to keep the sporting media on the edge of its seat. If I’m racing in California I’m not leaving the team bus until 30 seconds before my start and I’m getting right back into the sonofabitch as soon as I cross the line.
Not so Big George Hincapie, who has mastered the art of saying nothing at length. Speaking to VeloNews yesterday, he said: “I know you’ve got a job and you’ve got to ask these questions. I’ve got a job too. My job’s here to race my bike, promote the sport that we all love; that I’ve sacrificed my whole life for and I just have no interest in dragging this sport through the mud, so I’m sorry, but I have no comment.”
Having just said at some length that he would not comment, Hincapie continued to comment: “Look at all the fans out here; the race is doing awesome. It has incredible support and incredible sponsors. I believe in cycling. I believe in what cycling has done. I believe cycling has done more than any other sport to make it a clean sport. Why can’t we focus on that?”
Hey, I’d be delighted. I don’t know a single, solitary cycling scribe who got into the game because he liked covering the cops and courts. Quite the opposite, in fact. And perhaps one day, after Big Tex has had his day in an actual court, instead of the virtual court he presides over on Twitter, we can all get back to covering the sport we all love.
But today isn’t the day.
• Late update: Well, in light of the latest revelations, ol’ George sounds more wistful than weaselly, eh? It’s raining shoes out there. Whom will “60 Minutes” trot out next, Big Tex’s ex? Robin Williams? Batman?